احساسات و پیام ها از زبان جیمی کیمل

Title: Feeling and messages

Text:

I wanna carve sometime out of tonight show

To share something I'd figured out over the break

You know we all experience and engage in passive-aggrasive behaviour

But thanks to ways we use technology now

There's new way to be passive-aggrasive

That's not as easy to understand

It's the passive-aggrasive text massage

Now If you don't know what I mean by that

Here's an example

You ask a simple question like this

Can I bring Dave to dinner tonight?

And the person to whom you're texting, replys:

Sure! with and exclamation point at the end

And now, If you got this text

You could reasonably assume

the person on the other end

is happy about Dave coming to dinner

maybe even excited about

But what about this?

You ask: Can I bring Dave to dinner tonight?

And your husband, wife or girlfriend says:

Sure. with a period

Almost an identical text but

the sub-text of the text not that period instead of the exclamation point

means either I thought we were going out just the two of us

or I don't care If Dave comes

or maybe It means I don't like Dave

You don't know, well let's get another example

A simple message you ask:

Can you pick up some milk on the way home?

And your text-mate replys, of course

Now If you got this you can assume

There will be a container of milk in your refrigerator when this person gets home

But If you ask the same question

Say, can you pick up some milk on the way home?

And the response is: Letter K

If you got this I think you can assume

The person will get the milk but He isn't happy about it

Letter K is like text equivalent to Rolling your eyes at someone

It's like what a teenager does When you ask how her day was

But K is no good but this might be worse

Now try again,

Can you pick up some milk on the way home?

And the answer is ... Yup.

Yup translates you ooh I'll get the milk

But why the hell can't you get the milk

I'm working all day you had nine hours to go get milk

And now I'm being asked to go get the milk

Right? Now Yup should never be confused with Yep!

Yep is OK. Yep is friendly

But If E changes to U that person probably wants to put you in a Woodchipper

I wanna meet you one more

Maybe this might be most passive-aggrasive

Of the all passive-aggrasive texts

It's this: This response

Ha.

Ha says I acknowledge that what you said was meant to be funny, It wasn't.

Can you imagine in real life you made a joke

And someone says: Ha.

You can't cause no one will ever do

If they did you would fight them right?

So, just to recap when texting avoid

using periods, Yup(s) and Ha(s) and

Most importantly never ever use your phone to make a call

that should never do

Nobody likes that anymore, It's annoying